what i've learned along the way
and I gave up . . .
Published on November 15, 2006 By lobsterhunter In Misc
Sometimes being a homeowner bites. Like when you have this wet spot in your grass that has been there since July, and you keep hoping it will dry up and go away. Finally you decide to ask your surrogate dad if it might be a problem, and he tells you to call a plumber. Things start going down hill from there.

You get the bright idea to go to Lowe’s Home Improvement and buy a cheap, $6.00 shovel, thinking, "Maybe it will save me a few bucks if I go ahead and dig the whole myself.” Ha!

So you wake up at 5:15 a.m. ready to shower for the day, and the water pressure doesn't seem quite right. You think to yourself, "I wonder if this has anything to do with that wet spot in my backyard?", but you shrug it off promising to call the plumber tomorrow. The problem gnaws at your conscious all day, and when you get home from school you Google a list of local handymen.

The fall weather has arrived, and when you open the back door you realize the wind has destroyed your lawn furniture. Grand, just grand! It's almost dark, and after a long day of work you decide to dig a hole in your backyard. You retrieve the inexpensive shovel from your disheveled garage, slipping on a pair of driving gloves to protect your hands. You go outside in your pink work slacks and your favorite pair of boots, thinking, “How hard can it be to move a little dirt around?”

It doesn’t take long to discover why you’re supposed to have a husband to do these kinds of chores. Before you know it, you’re covered in black mud, and the grass roots make it next to impossible to uncover the pipes. You’re not making any headway, and now your favorite pair of corduroys is ruined. You fall down in the crisp, cold grass and stare up at the sky. “Why God? Why am I doing this crap on my own? This is not how I wanted my life to look at 27!” It all just seems so unfair.

I think I will go eat dinner with my friends now. They’re checking out a new Indian restaurant, which I can’t say I’m all that thrilled about. I really want to crawl up on the couch and watch old Friends reruns, but I figure I should force myself to go. Maybe I’ll be reminded of the positive things about the single life, or maybe I’ll just fake my way through another dinner date."

on Nov 15, 2006
Stay home. Life is too short to fake your way through it! Friends is more fun anyway.
on Nov 15, 2006

You are 27 and own a house.  Sounds like you are a pretty put together chick to me.

Hope you have fun out with friends.  Maybe you'll meet a plumber.

on Nov 15, 2006
Why would you wear your favorite corduroys to dig a hole?

I agree with Tova. You must be pretty together to have a house at 27. Except for digging a hole in your fav corduroys.
on Nov 16, 2006
It doesn’t take long to discover why you’re supposed to have a husband to do these kinds of chores.

I see. You're not really looking for a companion, or a person to love, but rather a person to do your heavy work. Well perhaps you can appreciate men that do work like this every day, so you dont ruin your precious pink couderoys and uh....boots. God forbid you may have broken a nail.

It really must be unfair to have to deal with your own stuff. It's nice to know you value men for something.
on Nov 16, 2006
Tenille: Better a hole-digger than a gold-digger, don't you think?

Not as exciting, but I mowed the yard with the weed eater last week. It sucked while I was doing it, but it felt nice to have it finished. And I didn't break the weed eater.

on Nov 16, 2006
Life is too short to fake your way through it!

I'm learning this lesson day by day.

Maybe you'll meet a plumber.

No such luck. Maybe next time.

I agree with Tova. You must be pretty together to have a house at 27. Except for digging a hole in your fav corduroys.

I wish my insides matched my outsides. I have fleeting moments where I feel like I have it together, but somedays it all just seems like smoke. I wore my favorite pants because I underestimated the intensity of the labor. Lesson learned.

It really must be unfair to have to deal with your own stuff. It's nice to know you value men for something.

Wow, I didn't know they had a male version of a feminist? I can see how my writing could come across as sexist. Men definitely have more value than just a "hole-digger". Sorry to offend.

Not as exciting, but I mowed the yard with the weed eater last week

There is definitely a sense of accomplishment and independence that comes from doing household chores. I can't imagine how much it must suck knowing there is a guy in your life to help out, he just isn't available at the time. I applaud you Brandie. Hang in there, and let me know how you are doing. I've been wondering about the baby. Has she arrived?

on Nov 16, 2006
Digging the hole is only a start. Then you have to repair the broken pipe. Do you even know how?

I had a busted water main out in my yard a number of years ago. After digging it up and finding the entire line was rusted (old style metal pipe) I rented a ditch witch and just ran a new plastic line.

Lesson learned? Plumbers are well worth the money.
on Nov 16, 2006
There is a reason plumbers make so much money.

They are worth it!
on Nov 17, 2006
Wow, I didn't know they had a male version of a feminist? I can see how my writing could come across as sexist. Men definitely have more value than just a "hole-digger". Sorry to offend.

No biggie. I suppose I was insensitive to your frustrations. But really, its like me saying I need a wife to clean my house and do my laundry. If that had happend...WHOA...LOOK OUT!! I'd be a male chauvinist. Is there such a thing as a female chauvinist


The young lady I live with can easily do these things (fix broken H2O pipes). After all, she at one time worked for the water department

But like you say Mason, you never know whats really there until its uncovered, and one would be well advised to be prepared to deal with whatever it is one uncovers....indeed.

on Nov 18, 2006
Ok, you should have called me before you started this. I, and possibly Dooley, could have come over to dig the hole AND I think I could have fixed your leak. Call me!

Surragate dad
on Nov 19, 2006
Hey you never know if you don't try it could of just been a loose union and I know how you feel about you pants. About a year age I was heading to church and I decided to wear my nice suit and impress the folks in Sunday school. On my way to the car I thought I would check the oil in it before I went. So no big deal I pulled the dip stick and the oil was good so then I thought as long as I'm going to be in Burleson I might as well see if I need any thing else for my car. So I checked the distributor cap and rotor then the PCV valve and finally 45 minetes later I found out that every thing was good but missed church and ruined my suit. Later when I asked my Mom if she thought I could save the suit she asked me "well why did you put on a suit to work on your car" and all I could say was it seemed like a good idea at the time. At least you tried. Right Also your doing a lot better in life then most are I know your doing better then me. Well I hope that you have a good week and keep your chin up your a lot greater then you give your self credit for.
on Nov 19, 2006
sorry to hear that women arent meant to dig holes in the ground. they dig enough holes out in the world anyways. peace out. women are great we just need to learn how to be happy being single.
on Nov 29, 2006
Alright, so this blog OBVIOUSLY deserves a response. So here goes:

1. It was so funny and so sweet and so so sad. Ask Rob, I laughed and sighed and "awwed" my way through it.

2. In your fourth sentence you "dig a whole".

3. What the fuck happened? Why was there a wet spot? The entire blogging community deserves answers! And why would digging a "whole" help a wet spot?

4. If you ever EVER need help remembering the perks of single life, call up your 'ol sis. I can DEFINATELY remind you. This boy is driving me crazy! I don't think I've done ONE thing by myself in 6 months.

5. I lerb you and thanks for the "gift" (if u wanna call it that).

on Dec 26, 2006
Seems like a lot of people in my life have been going through the whole "Why can't I find someone" thing. It always gets worse around the holidays. Been there, done that. My first suggestion is that you need lots of guy friends that you can ask for help, or borrow a friend's husband. Believe me, single life for a woman is easier when just swallowing the pride and asking a friend for help. And as for finding someone, this is what I told my friend Grady (it does also have a part in there about crushes in answer to a question he blogged about):

I don't know if this will help, but here is my story. You know me, I was never into the dating thing. That's what made it so easy for guys to be friends with me. They felt safe like I wasn't hunting them. You know when Ray first started showing interest in me (and Laura and Otis both told me so), I kept my distance from him. I mean it wasn't that I didn't like him as a friend, but I didn't see him in "that light" and didn't want him to get the wrong idea. When you know someone has a crush on you (or is interested) then you are keenly aware of how they take every kind word, every encouragement, every jesture.....exactly the same way you would react if you had a crush on someone. So therein lies a precarious balance. How do you still be friends without them thinking you "like" them as something more? I was still friends with him, but kept my distance in terms of letting him know what went on in my personal life. There were things I talked about with other close friends that I didn't talk to him about. After awhile he got the picture that it probably wasn't going to happen and decided that he would still be my loyal friend anyway. After I realized I wasn't under that pressure anymore of "what if he thinks so and so if I make this comment to him," then I was able to relax and really be friends with him. As time went on I began to appreciate him for his godly qualities, figuring out it wasn't all just for show. (Christian girls sometimes run into guys that offer to serve people just to get brownie points.) Then I guess one day it dawned on me that I had feelings for him. It still took me another month to tell him so because I wanted to be sure that what I felt was more than a crush. Finding the right person isn't about the spark, fireworks, floating on clouds feelings, it's about a sense of total peace when being around the other person. There was no posturing, trying to show off, trying to show the best side to impress someone. Just honest friendship that gave way to peace. When we decided to date it was like if God wants us to be married then we will continue to date, if not then we need to go back to being friends. And within two weeks of officially dating we knew we were meant to be. All that said, we often think we have to do this and that to "find" the right person. But what God wants us to do is let go and have faith that He does know what/who is best for us. And we have to live our lives according to HIS timing, not ours. I told my dad once that if I was 35 and still not married, I would adopt a child. I told him just because I might not be a wife didn't mean I couldn't be a mother. I had decided that if God wanted me to get married someday that was great, but if not my life could still be a fulfilling experience. Of course as a single you go through ups and downs of being satisfied and not satisfied with being single, but on the married side there are other struggles and ups and downs that you face just not all the same issues. Ray turned 30 and I was almost 29 when we got married. Matt & Rachel Geer, James & Wendy Odom, and Pat Shade were all in their 30s. So don't give up hope on God or yourself. Just be thankful for what God has given you, keep your focus on Him, and let Him take care of the rest when the timing is right. You don't need scores of girlfriends, you only need one, if she's the right one. You might even be like me, overlooking the right person who is right in front of you because you still have to get beyond your own ideas of what type of person you think is for you. Hope this helps. (That's what I told him.) I said basically the same thing to one of my brothers who is 26. I think that 24+ age you get the idea that you should be married by now if it was going to happen. But I know a lot of couples that I didn't even name as Grady didn't know them that were way into their 30s, even one at 40 when they got married. I think you are an inspiration to any single person. You have such a great depth and insight about you that few your age have. I know what it is like to be called an old soul. I guess that's what happens to people that God puts in a place where they have to make a decision to be a responsible person and take care of business rather than living like teenagers. That is the gift He gives those who just are responsible to do what they have to do, and trust God to handle what they can't do for themselves.