what i've learned along the way
Silence
Published on February 7, 2004 By lobsterhunter In Personal Relationships
It's Saturday morning, and the room is very quiet. My roomates are fast asleep, and strangely enough there is a boy in my bed. No, it's not what you are thinking. A friend of ours brought over movies last night, and it was late when we finished watching them. He crashed on the couch, and this morning after I woke up, he crawled into my comfy pillow-topped bed hoping to catch some much needed Z's. I was already on the computer at that time, so no need to worry! (SIDE NOTE: If you are reading this, and you have an opinion on plutonic relationships, I would certainly welcome your feedback. It's a debatable issue, and most bloggers seem to like controversial subjects.)

So here I am in the silence of the living room contemplating life.

I skipped out on work yesterday, hoping to enjoy a peaceful day of nothingness. Instead, I spent the day in an emotional frenzy, brought on by a destructive friendship from my past. No matter how hard I tried to shake the feelings of unworthiness this friendship causes, I could not stop the squirrel caging going on in my head. I cried. I screamed. I wrote. Writing down my thoughts seemed to be the only release I could find. Twenty four hours later, as I reflect on my insanity, I realize my responsibility in the situation. I allowed another human being to steal my joy. I relinquished control, and allowed my friend to gain power over my emotions. In the process, I missed out on other opportunities to find happiness. I also mistreated those who do love me. I get so self-centered and so obsessive. Which makes me just like my sick friend. I guess this type of behavior will keep me humble.

Anywho. I anticipate the day when I can learn to live and let live. When I can walk away from an emotional time bomb, and just breathe. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, and unfortunately this leaves me vulnerable and open to attack. I know when I am hypersensitive, I have a tendency to become the victim. I focus on what I don't have, rather than the gifts I have been given. Gratitude is a powerful force. I don't utilize it often enough. Becoming aware of your shortcomings can be a tough road to walk down, but I am slowing opening my eyes to the freedom that can be found in assuming responsibility for your life. God never sheds light on our inadequacies for the sake of condemnation. He shows us our part, so we can eventually be set free. I long for that day!

Comments (Page 1)
on Feb 07, 2004
What is your purpose in life ?
on Feb 08, 2004
To bring glory to God. And you? (Yes, I am aware that this is a vague answe. But for now, vague is where I live. The specifics have yet to be revealed.)
on Feb 08, 2004
I'm familiar with platonic relationships, and i don't think they're a problem until you get involved with someone that doesn't like your "friend" always hanging around. not to mention that too many people lie about the 'true nature" of these relationships. In my experience, (yes Brad, i know i should research this before i write it) one side of the platonic relationship (either the man or the woman) is attracted to the other, while the other has no interest other than the friendship. You'll catch hell trying to get either one to admit that they're the piner, but one or the other is.

as for Plutonic relationships, i don't know anything about those. I'm guessing that they're relationships between people and Pluto the dog, or maybe a scientist's relationship with the planet Pluto. (those sick bastards)... or maybe you're talking about relationships between people that live on Pluto. Hell i don't know. How different are things there?
on Feb 08, 2004
I'm familiar with platonic relationships, and i don't think they're a problem until you get involved with someone that doesn't like your "friend" always hanging around. not to mention that too many people lie about the 'true nature" of these relationships. In my experience, (yes Brad, i know i should research this before i write it) one side of the platonic relationship (either the man or the woman) is attracted to the other, while the other has no interest other than the friendship. You'll catch hell trying to get either one to admit that they're the piner, but one or the other is.

as for Plutonic relationships, i don't know anything about those. I'm guessing that they're relationships between people and Pluto the dog, or maybe a scientist's relationship with the planet Pluto. (those sick bastards)... or maybe you're talking about relationships between people that live on Pluto. Hell i don't know. How different are things there?
on Feb 08, 2004
oops...
on Feb 08, 2004
So, I don't know how to spell. Maybe Brad should kick me out. I'm trying to appreciate your humor, but I usually don't do sarcasm. Do you think it is possible only to be interested in friendship? Do you think we can care about someone else, without selfish motive?
on Feb 08, 2004
"Maybe Brad should kick me out"... ..."i don't usually do sarcasm"... does anyone else see the irony here?

I'm sorry you didn't like my sarcasm... i thrive on it, so you'll have to forgive me, or if you'd like i can refrain from commenting on your posts. anyways, i thought it was hilarious.

is it possible to only be interested in friendship? sure. but there's attraction on the part of one or the other. Freud believed that there was some level of 'attraction' between heterosexual same sex friends. go figure.

in this case, i'm sure you really care about this dude and have no selfish motive. but if he came crawling into your bed in the morning, whether you were in it or not, he's attracted to you. I'd bet you a dollar to a dozen that he was hoping you would crawl back into it with him.

just a thought
on Feb 08, 2004
>>> But for now, vague is where I live. The specifics have yet to be revealed.

Ok. Too ambitious of a question. What makes you happy ? Specifically, like when was the last time you felt completely happy?

I have no purpose in life but live by two simple rules:

1) Attempt to live every day with passion and happiness.

2) Hurt no one.

There are countless mini-rules that kick in when appropriate such as "give love freely without expectation", "be generous with your time", etc.

I don't understand your question about platonic relationships. Do you honestly think you should limit who you become friends with due to gender? Thats not what you meant - right ??

Someone once said "How can you love someone else without loving yourself first?". I don't know who it was. Oh yeah, it was me - just now.
on Feb 08, 2004
Poet Philosopher, i'm surprised that you and I disagree as often as we do. I'm with ya a hundred percent on that last post. do me a favor and read my "remember when your parents said you can do anything?" article... it's a little too long, but i'm curious what kind of reception it's gonna get from the masses...

if i can get 'em to read it...
on Feb 08, 2004
Interesting, I just want you all to know that Lobsterhunter is my sis, and we usually disagree on everything. I just think it makes thing more interesting for ya'll to know we're sisters.

Trinitie
on Feb 08, 2004
Oh yeah, imajinit, I like your sarcasm! I laughed ...a little too hard.... when Tenille got all upset about it. haha.
on Feb 09, 2004
I appreciate your comments, with or without the sarcasm. Isn't there always a natural attraction between people, regardless of what type of relationship they are developing? Whether male or female, we are attracted to personality types and those who have similar life experiences. However, I do not believe attraction alone equals a desire for a deeper, more intimate relationship. Are you saying it is impossible for two people of the opposite sex to just be friends? You seem pretty solid on the fact that one of the people involved must want more. Maybe your right.
on Feb 09, 2004
The quote about loving yourself is a perfect picture of the journey I am on. I am certain my self worth has everything to do with how I view all relationships in my life.

What makes me happy? Well lately it has been the growth and freedom that comes from believing I have worth. It requires a lot of self-talk and meditation time with God. I have spent most of my life not knowing what I wanted to needed. I certainly didn't think about my purpose because pleasing others was my #1 goal in life. I finally feel like I am finding my way. When or if I ever arrive, I will let you know what I've discovered.
on Feb 09, 2004
don't "arrive"... if you start to feel like that, then you'll be tempted to quit working at it...

some wise person once said that "life is a journey, not a destination"

on Feb 09, 2004
That some wise person was Steven Tyler, yes Aerosmith Steven Tyler. Suprised ?

The full quote is "Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip."
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