what i've learned along the way
. . . sometimes
Published on September 19, 2005 By lobsterhunter In Misc
Preface: I’m not depressed. Life isn’t awful. I just needed to release these thoughts. No need to worry!

What does it mean to be content? This question plagues me, because as I walk through this journey we call life, contentment seems to be just outside my reach. I keep hoping someone or something is going to suddenly make life wonderful, but deep in my soul I know this way of thinking will only leave me disappointed and unsatisfied.

This is not how I imagined my life would look.

I never wanted to buy a new home on my own.

I didn’t want to mow the yard by myself or independently assemble a grill.

I want someone to take Sunday afternoon naps with, and someone to hold my hand at the movies.

I want a knight in shining armor to walk beside me.

I want to be married and have a family.

I suppose I must acknowledge the God shaped void that seems to eat away at my soul. If He is the only thing that satisfies, then why am I still so thirsty? Why do I long for companionship? Why can’t I just be happy where I am? Why does 26 feel like 40?

This Eyeore mentality is never productive. My life is really not all that bad. I don’t have to do all the things I mentioned on my own. I have wonderful friends who walk beside me and surrogate parents who help me with domestic chores. (Thanks Bruce for helping me with the propane!) God has blessed my life, but it never seems to be enough. I always want more. I always long for that which I do not have.

Of course, the only alternative is to accept life on life’s terms. Acceptance causes hope to fade. When I continue holding out for something more, I find myself disillusioned and disappointed. Things don’t go my way, and I don’t get what I want. I am such a BRAT!

Deep down, I know I am not alone. It's just that sometimes I feel alone. Occasionally, being single sucks.


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Sep 19, 2005
I agree, but sometimes you can be lonely in a room full of people, know what I mean?

Give it time. You sound like a believer so in the vein let me say that God has someone in mind for you. He created us to have a significant other...He didn't like to see Adam alone, it was not "good." So He sure isn't going to let you stay single.

There is a book called, "Falling in Love with Jesus" I thought the title was corny but my single best friends recommended it. I read it and since I am married it didn't really "speak" to me, but it really seems to hit a chord with all the single women in my life. They rave about it. It is written by Stormie Obrien (I am 99% sure). And it talks about just what you have described.....waiting for that void to be filled. Knowing God is brining him to you, but the lonliness while waiting.

Hang in there. He is on his way to you. Believe it.

Peace.
on Sep 19, 2005
Tenille...I love you...but...you're too picky.

PS - I'm jealous that you have a fabulous job and a fabulous house and a fabulous figure.
on Sep 19, 2005
being single is a must prelude to not being single. how's that for confusian thought?
on Sep 19, 2005
Give it time


This is the tough part.

Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement. Sometimes we know the truth, it just doesn't sink in. I'll look into the book, although I've read my share of "singles" self-help titles.
on Sep 19, 2005
fabulous figure


Have you seen me lately?

And yes, I am too picky. My standards are slowly slipping!
on Sep 19, 2005
Tenille:
Have you seen me lately?


Nope, but you'd have a hard time convincing me that you look anything less than fabulous.

And yes, I am too picky. My standards are slowly slipping!


Hahahahahaha...hey, I have a sweet, loyal Army guy for ya. He's a stout but cuddly Pacific Islander who owns a very large truck, can spear fish, and is an excellent cook.

Hehe.
on Sep 19, 2005
You know what? You pretty much summed up what I felt like for the first 22 years of my life. As I got older, everyone was pairing off and it often felt like I was the only single person on earth. I wanted for someone to just "get" me, you know?

And now I'm part of a pair. I think that as single people we really delude ourselves when we come up with that "fairy tale" mentality--I'm not saying you do it...I know I did though. The things I dreamed aren't really the way they are. Those naps are nice, but neither of us have fresh breath afterwards. The movies? Holding hands? I have to beg him to touch me most days.

It's frustrating being single...I agree. But looking back...maybe it wasn't so bad, you know? Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your singleness...you really hit the nail on the head.
on Sep 19, 2005
You sound very comfortable in your own skin and very content for the most part with your life...It's only natural to feel lonely sometimes when you are single...I went through that plenty myself.
on Sep 20, 2005

being single is a must prelude to not being single

Moderate,  you da man!

Nope, but you'd have a hard time convincing me that you look anything less than fabulous.

Well, she does look less than fabulous, but not much.  Oh, and I really don't think she's that picky.  I just think guys are intimidated by her and her inexperience (of late) inhibits her from taking first steps.

I think that as single people we really delude ourselves when we come up with that "fairy tale" mentality--

No, that's not true.  Fairy tales exist, you just may have missed yours.

I have to beg him to touch me most days.

I'm sorry fo ya!  That's a very depressing thing to hear!  But it doesn't have to be that way.

Trinitie

p.s.  If your questioning my experience and trying to validate my thoughts, just know that I'm a 42 year old woman who's been happily married for years, and my husband absolutely LOVES to touch me. 

Trinitie

on Sep 20, 2005

contentment seems to be just outside my reach.

You know why?  Because contentment isn't what ANYONE should be searching for.   Contentment should be the least of your worries; finding contentment in life is what makes people miserable, it's stops growth and searching, which is the key to happiness!  Happiness is your new assignment, ok?

Acceptance causes hope to fade.

That is does, so don't do it!

When I continue holding out for something more, I find myself disillusioned and disappointed.

Don't stop holding out, just search harder.  Geez, I wish you as smart as me!

Trinitie

 

on Sep 20, 2005

I wanted for someone to just "get" me, you know?

Wouldn't that be nice? This is the longing of my heart. Having someone who just "gets" me.

You sound very comfortable in your own skin

I wish this were true. Insecurity creates about 99% of my loneliness. Perhaps someday my skin will feel like a nice pair of comfy sweat pants!

 

on Sep 20, 2005
GGRRR FIST! This is what happens when your little sister is logged onto your PC and you use her name to reply to your own blog! The above comment was actually mine!



on Sep 20, 2005
Geez, I wish you as smart as me


Don't we all Trin. Don't we all . . .

Fairy tales exist, you just may have missed yours


Perhaps I have missed mine.

Well, she does look less than fabulous, but not much


Thanks for the vote of confidence punk!

on Sep 20, 2005
When all else seems to be going well, we tend to focus on "fixing" that which doesn't seem up to par with the rest of our life. However, in doing so, we forget to pay attention to all of the things that are going well and make us happy.

It's certainly proper to try to expand your happiness and successes into areas that feel inadequate, however, it helps to focus on the things that are good, and use those to leverage improvements in the less stellar areas.

It's like the anecdotal stories people seem to frequently tell where they meet someone and fall in love in spite of the fact that they weren't looking for it. Chances are they were focused on themself, and that made them a brighter person to those surrounding. (Note that I said focused on themself, not selfish or self-absorbed.)

Being single sucks sometimes, but sometimes it's just the time alone you need to bulk up your own faculties.

Single for 2.5 years and counting (I have a lot of work to do)
on Sep 20, 2005
I'm guessing that the "Preface" may have been addressed to me, and I'm not worried. I think, T, that you will never find contentment. I agree with Trin (sort of) that contentment isn't what anyone should be looking for, striving for, wishing for. You've got to just learn to BE content where you currently are. We have such a misguided understanding of contentment, equating it with happiness and security and safety and stability. Trust me, finding someone or something to fill your void will not make life wonderful. We can't possibly find contentment in someone or something, at least not for very long. Not a deep and lasting contentment. And I'm afraid that we don't "accept" life on it's terms, we "surrender" on it's terms, and that is what causes hope to fail. May you BE content, and FIND peace.

And it is always my pleasure to help you, anyway I can.

B~
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