what i've learned along the way
What is God Up To?
Published on November 24, 2005 By lobsterhunter In Misc
The holiday break has given me extra time to reflect on my current relationship with God. It seems as if I've been plunging through this thing called life full force these last few months, not really pausing long enough to ask the question, "What is God doing in my heart ?"

This is unusual for me. Typically, I'm an analyzer. I spend entirely too much time thinking every minor detail of life through. I've recently made a conscious decision to live in the present moment, and take things one day at a time. This is actually harder than you might think, considering the fact that I harbor an immense amount of fear about being in the center of God's will. I don't want to make mistakes, and I certainly don't want to distance myself from my creator. Unfortunately, this is how I've been feeling lately due to a couple of different catalyst.

My concept of right and wrong has become a little gray. I used to see everything through black and white lenses. There was no room for individual convicition, and I wanted everyone to be like me so I didn't have to feel so insecure. My faith has been challenged due to this new way of thinking, and I've become extremely disillusioned with organized religion. Church is not longer a pleasant experience for me, and I'm currently looking for a new place of worship. I feel confident that God will lead me in the direction I need to go, but because my identity has been wrapped up in "playing church" my whole life, this new spirtual plain often feels uncomfortable.

Not too long ago, I had a converstation with someone I consider spritually grounded. I was sharing my faith struggles with him, and his response was refreshing. He explained that all relationships are constantly changing. When you are married, your relationship with your spouse is not always consistent. There are times when you feel passionately in love with your partner, and there are other times when you must work to maintain connection. The relationship evolves. Sometimes it's growing. Sometimes it's stagnant. Either way, it still exist.

I believe my walk with God is somewhat similar. The difference is He is not human. The way Christ feels about me never changes.

I am always God's child. Even when I don't understand what He is up to.

I wish the church would spend more time focusing on this truth, rather than beating us over the head with a long list of "do's" and "dont's" created to make us feel like we have something to do with our own salvation. I'm tired of carrying the burden of perfection, and I think this fluid faith is liberating.

May God be gentle with me as I wade through these unchartered waters.


Comments
on Nov 24, 2005
I always enjoy reading your thoughts, Tenille.

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Love ya.
on Nov 24, 2005
I wish the church would spend more time focusing on this truth, rather than beating us over the head with a long list of "do's" and "dont's" created to make us feel like we have something to do with our own salvation. I'm tired of carrying the burden of perfection, and I think this fluid faith is liberating.


I know what you mean. I've noticed at my own church far too many Sundays go by with n'ary a mention of our Savior himself, save it be at the end of prayers, "in the name of Jesus Christ...amen." It's so important to keep the real meaning at the core of things. Then the lists of "do's and don'ts" naturally fall into place, without even needing to verbalize them.

Although people are often confused and imperfect, our Savior is perfect. Keep going to church, keep trying to look past people's and let your light shine so that, if all else fails, others can at least see the Savior through you
on Nov 24, 2005
I always enjoy reading your thoughts, Tenille. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Love ya.


Brandie,

Thanks for your well wishes. I hope your holiday was memorable. Enjoy the Christmas season!

P.S. Guess what? I'm dating someone. It's a miracle!

Keep going to church, keep trying to look past people


That is my plan. I have no intention of giving up. Just changing directions. Thanks for your response.

on Nov 26, 2005

Oh come now.  You know you left out a very crucial catalyst.  Don't be shy...

Trinitie

on Nov 28, 2005
Hey T! It was great traveling with you to the Panhandle. I'm also looking forward to walking this journey with you. Maybe after the first of the year (after I'm not teaching on Sunday morning) we can all start looking for a new church home. Try CCCSW and let me know your thoughts.

Love you much.
B~
on Dec 05, 2005
Tenille,
I had some of the same struggles and criticisms of my church in Knoxville. I didn't realize most of it until I had moved away for a while. That church and my growth there and more than anything the incredible freindships I gained there will always be precious to me. I love my new church in Cincinnati. It seems to be a better fit for me. The pastors acknowledge our weaknesses and our pain and that the most important thing is our relationship with God and not following all the rules. I pray that God will open and close all the right doors and guide you as you seek for a church home.
on Dec 08, 2005
I have "tagged" you with the Seven Sevens tag. For more info, please see my blog, and my Seven Sevens tag response. Harmless fun, or so I assume. No pressure though.
on Dec 08, 2005
I'll check it out Bruce. Thanks for keeping up with my post.