what i've learned along the way
lobsterhunter's Articles In Personal Relationships
November 3, 2008 by lobsterhunter
My recovery will never be stronger than the disease of Alcoholism. I recently found myself in an unwelcome, yet familiar place of powerlessness and confusion due to dysfunctional relationships with my family of origin. Once again, “sick thinking” has wreaked havoc on my emotions, and I am in desperate need of an Al-anon meeting.  You see, my family of origin has a long history with domestic violence. My grandfather abused my grandmother. My dad abused my mother. And now my ...
September 28, 2008 by lobsterhunter
I have been a huge fan of the author Nicholas Sparks for as long as I can remember, so when my husband mentioned the possibility of catching this North Carolina writer’s latest chick flick on the big screen I was thrilled. We decided to grab a bite to eat at Logan’s Steak House before the show started at 7:30, and our conversation took us down memory lane. Both of us dialogued about how former relationships had shaped us, and we agreed that freedom to be ourselves was the key to a su...
June 23, 2008 by lobsterhunter
My husband and I recently took a family vacation to Disney World.  We spent an inordinate amount of time waiting for busses and standing in long lines. My two wonderful bonus children found this to be maddening, but I decided to use this time to observe a wide variety of human interactions.   Now I realize that generalizations tell absolutely nothing about individuals, but from what I witnessed, there are a lot of unhappy women in the world. It seemed like every where we turned so...
May 25, 2008 by lobsterhunter
My husband and I are celebrating our very first wedding anniversary today. This time last year we were boarding a plane headed for the great state of California. Chris and I said our vows on Santa Monica beach, and the only witness was the local minister we had found on the Internet. The wedding was picture perfect, and I have no regrets. The intimate moments we shared created memories that will last a lifetime.  The last twelve months have been nothing less than blissful. With each passing...
September 7, 2004 by lobsterhunter
"You must of heard a different message than me". These are the words of my soon to be 19 year old, little sister. After hearing a very traditional Southern Baptist preacher share a message on geniune Christianity, we both walked away with a completely altered view of the pastor's sermon. This is not a new occurence, seeing how we don't see eye to eye on much. However, for some reason, her words struck a cord in my heart, and I realized how each of our perceptions are unique and valuable.

Tri...
August 28, 2004 by lobsterhunter
Do you think there is only one person for each of us? I'm not so sure I completely buy into the soulmate theory. As romantic the idea seems, it's a bit discouraging. Especially if your like me, and the playing field appears pretty narrow.

Tonight I had coffee with a total stranger. A mutual friend set us up, and although the conversation was great, I didn't walk away feeling WOWed by the experience. He was a nice guy, and I was impressed with him in many ways. However, I found myself critiqu...
August 27, 2004 by lobsterhunter
I pulled her close to me as she reached out her hand towards her mother. "Why does she have to leave?", she kept asking. "I just want her to stay and spend time with me". These are the words of a deeply hurting eight year old, who hasn't seen her biological mom in over eight months. Trying to console a child who doesn't understand why her mom has abandon her has got to be the most excruciating experience I've endured.

The scene mentioned above is not only Sierra's story, but my story as well...
March 23, 2004 by lobsterhunter
I went to an Al-anon meeting last night, and the topic was anger. It was interesting to hear all the stories about how people choose to deal with the frustrations of life. Near the end of the sharing time, I felt the need to impart a bit of wisdom I had learned during college, so I opened my mouth, and what came out surprised even me.

I intended to talk about how there are two types of people in the world; pouters or shouters. A few years back a local pastor did a serious of sermons on contr...
March 1, 2004 by lobsterhunter
I have this friend. At least she used to be my friend. Actually, she was my best friend. We shared everything, our lives, our home, our hearts. I poured myself into our relationship, and now it seems as though it was of no value. Eventually the debts began to outweigh the assets, and the emotional roller coaster we have traveled on seems to have come to a stop. Sorrow and grief are now my companions.

I was certain we would be lifelong confidants. I now know there are no guarantees in life...
February 21, 2004 by lobsterhunter
Most of my life, I have been the poster child for people pleasers. Today it's called co-dependency. Regardless of the title, I have it. I spend the majority of my time doing things I don't want to do, because I am afraid of other people's responses. I hate dissapointing the people I care about, so I generally take on whatever personality they expect me to have. Unfortunately this has left me without an identity, and often times I have become an ineffective doormat.

When God first began to s...
February 7, 2004 by lobsterhunter
It's Saturday morning, and the room is very quiet. My roomates are fast asleep, and strangely enough there is a boy in my bed. No, it's not what you are thinking. A friend of ours brought over movies last night, and it was late when we finished watching them. He crashed on the couch, and this morning after I woke up, he crawled into my comfy pillow-topped bed hoping to catch some much needed Z's. I was already on the computer at that time, so no need to worry! (SIDE NOTE: If you are reading this...
February 2, 2004 by lobsterhunter
Relationship Rules

1. Show Up
2. Pay Attention
3. Be Honest
4. Ask for what you want and need
5. Accept the outcome
6. Celebrate the "no".

Someone recently gave me this list of rules, and I often find myself contemplating their validity . They aren't an accurate picture of how my previous relationships have worked. The first three seem pretty attainable, but rule #4, trips me up. I don't know how to ask for what I want and need. Most of the time I just expect other people to inherent...
January 31, 2004 by lobsterhunter
How is it that we wrap so much of our worth up in what other people think of us? I readily admit that I am an approval addict. Other's opinions of me are a driving force in my life, and unfortunately, I continue to give certain individuals power over me. Notice I used the word "give". When I let other's thoughts about me control the way I feel about myself, I am responsible. I am learning that it is a choice.

I'm a mind reader. That is what I do. I assume that everyone is thinking about me....
January 28, 2004 by lobsterhunter
Do you ever get on your own nerves? This morning I went to school, and the day just started out plain rotten. My nerves were tapped out before my twenty-two 4th graders ever arrived. I couldn't quiet put my finger on the reason for my short temper, but I recognized how irrational I was being. My kids picked up on it pretty quick, and I felt like I had this bright red button pinned to my shirt that screamed "Push ME!". Every little thing they did just got under my skin. Of course most of the beh...