This morning I prayed and asked God to chip away at this stubborn heart of mine. I begged Him to be persistent as He continues to teach me about trust. You see, I don’t do dependence well. All of my life has been one big struggle for control. Self-sufficiency reigns, and I seldom willingly relinquish my illusion of power. My Creator’s patience astounds me, and I often wonder why He puts up with this headstrong child. Today He grinned at me from above, as I was forced to surrender to my helple...

There's a whole lot of crap going on in this head of mine, and although writing is generally a productive way for me to sort through my often distorted thinking, I can't seem to pin down the right words. The holidays have zipped by, and I'm pretty sure it will take at least a few weeks to process all the chaos that is my life. I kissed a stranger on a boat, got in a fight with my birth mother, and drove over three thousand miles. The washing machine is humming in the back ground as I type, an...

A spiritual battle rages in my soul. For almost two years now, my faith has slowly eroded, and I am currently struggling with some serious darkness. Hopelessness threatens my heart, and if I'm honest, I have no desire to cry out to God for help. Intense resentments have built up over time, and His inability to protect innocent children causes trust to fade. I desperately want to believe in God's goodness, but right now I can only see what's missing. My focus is clouded by my unanswered questi...

I've spent the last three days in my tiny hometown of Lefors. It's funny how it takes about half a day to acclamate to the culture of this little place, and before you know it you've been sucked back in. I'm always amazed at how easy it is to lose yourself here. There is a sense of comfort that makes you forget you have a life back in Fort Worth. Our six-man football team made it to the regional playoffs after 30 years of being losers, and the community is in an uproar. Everyone has dyed ...

Sometimes being a homeowner bites. Like when you have this wet spot in your grass that has been there since July, and you keep hoping it will dry up and go away. Finally you decide to ask your surrogate dad if it might be a problem, and he tells you to call a plumber. Things start going down hill from there. You get the bright idea to go to Lowe’s Home Improvement and buy a cheap, $6.00 shovel, thinking, "Maybe it will save me a few bucks if I go ahead and dig the whole myself.” Ha! ...

This is a pointless post. I have no idea why I felt the need to share this very insignificant happening. I'm only twenty seven. I shouldn't be writing crap like this . . . my teachers must have been right. I do have an old soul. On my way home from school today, I encountered an interesting sight. A young boy who looked to be around eleven years old zoomed down the back roads of Crowley, Texas on his bicylcle. I noticed him as I approached a looming curve, and I glanced up just in time ...

My big sister, Tiffanie, has been trying to marry me off for years now. A while back she came to visit me when I was living in my apartment in Fort Worth. Her four kids and husband were driving her nuts, so she took a mini-vacation and spent a few days relaxing by my pool and sleeping in. During the course of the weekend she informed me that I had a "cream cheese and bagel life", while her world was more like "peanut butter and jelly". Thus began our long standing joke about the joys and ...

The questions continue to swirl. I haven't made up my mind about who God says He is, but when you look at life through the lenses of your own circumstances, his character seems questionable. Now, I'd almost bet that most of you Bible-thumping Christians out there just read my last sentence and have already created a calculated response preparing to enlighten me about how God's character is not defined by individual situations. And you would be correct. I know all the right Sunday scho...

Tessa and Sierra are staying with their tia Tenille this weekend. They wanted to learn about blogging, so I'm letting them post an article on my page. Here it goes. We are sisters who live with our aunt. From our early childhood we remember that no one is perfect but God. Tessa says, "My sister thinks she's more perfect than everyone. She thinks that she can sing better than anyone in the whole world, but she can't" Sierra says, "Tessa thinks she is all that. She has a crush on three boy...

"Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly . For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things , holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 2 Timothy 4:7-8 I left my Sunday night Bib...

Does it ever seem like your perception of reality is warped? I often feel as though my input sensors are defective when it comes to interpreting conflict and correction. A cloud of insecurity hovers over me, waiting for the right moment to prove what I’ve always feared. I am not enough. Frustration overtakes me when I return to this place of self-doubt. My head tells me my worth is not dependent upon my ability to perform perfectly, but the messages of my past are so deeply woven into ...

I was recently presented with the following question: "Do you have people around you who could never do anything to make you love them less?" I've been pondering this for some time now, and after an unpleasant phone call this evening, a very deep-seeded truth sunk into the recesses of my stubborn heart. You see, I have this insanely, infuriating little sister who knows how to push all of my buttons. In an attempt to play her ridiculous game, I made a wrong move, and ended up lo...

God and Jesus. I suppose these two words are intended to be synonyms. I mean, if you believe in the Trinity (which I do), these separate beings are One. Unfortunately, Jesus is generally portrayed as the more loving, accepting face of God. I can visualize myself crawling into the lap of my Savior when I've screwed up, but God seems more stand-offish and offended by my sin. I'm currently struggling with trust, and this morning I heard an old hymn on the radio. The words rang fresh in m...

I'm just curious to know if other folks out there in this screwed up, dysfuntional world are able to trust in a loving Father who supposedly has our best interest at heart. What is it that we expect from Him?

I wonder if I will be one of those veteran teachers who spend their lives in the classroom? Will I always experience the thrill of anticipation that comes with getting a new group of students? Will my passion for discovery and learning wane? If this is the calling God has for me, does it mean I should pursue further education? Will I wake up some day and feel like this is "just a job" or will I continue to be refreshed by each new challenge? I just completed my sixth, First Day of School....