Acknowledging that 93% of this comment will be lost in written communication...let me say I'm giggling as I write this and LOL...

So, I find this "old" blog written by someone I know that reads, "but because he's a guy."

Thank you, Locamama...excellent comments yourself...from beginning to end.

It's not to say I have never made the leap...I do now and then.  But it always comes with inner conflict.  I hate to say, though, that fear has gotten the best of me during several situations in my life.

I've a friend who just upped and went to greece for 2 months with little to no savings and nothing but a back pack. He's just returned and has some of the most wonderful stories to tell as well as a sense of achievement. He thoroughly enjoyed the experience and seemed to almost welcome the uncertaintity it brought.

Suffice to say i'm highly envious of him and while i'm sat langishing in my office worrying about getting together a deposit for a house, i feel shallow and dissapointed that i can't embrace the unknown and explore it.

All the best in finding some answers on this one.

First, I did not do so because of the “flak” I received (as TW put it), but because of the constructive comments offered.

I did not write and point to any one individual, and I feel that this is perhaps where I went astray.

I appreciate TW’s comments regarding knowing me as an individual, and thus had the insight to know that I am not misogynistic. However, after the comment, I was reminded of an email communication I’d written to an individual some time ago in a professional setting which I wrote with one intent, and it was received with another. Had the communication has been presented verbally to him in that case; it would not have been misconstrued. I recognize that studies reveal that 93% of what we say is communicated through our nonverbal expression and tone and that only 7% of what is said is actually communicated in spoken words. Thus, in this particular piece of writing, I recognize how much of the intent was lost in expression.

Granted, I made a blatantly over generalized statement seeking feedback and perspective on my perception and insight from the outside.

And while some responses returned equally generalized comments… in this case, I’m referring to a couple of comments that offered equally blanket, generalized statements such as “moms handle the kids and dads get to be the fun guy, moms do all the planning and organizing,” etc.

But, understand that also fresh on my mind is a recent conversation I had with a few female co-workers regarding stereotypical remarks that were made to me stating that I wouldn’t understand about household chores because I was a male. One said her husband didn’t know there were dials on the washing machine or dryer. I sat on the other side of blanket generalizations that I didn’t receive so well either, because (and you can ask my wife), I not only know that those buttons exist, I know how to use them, and I do use them doing my fair share of the wash. I consistently help cook and clean the dishes afterwards. I do my part in cleaning our home, scrubbing toilets, vacuuming carpet, cleaning mirrors, dusting (okay, I’m not so good at dusting), etc. In fact, one evening while my wife was away celebrating the last day of school in a night out with the girls, I cleaned our entire home to prepare it for the company that was arriving the next day…without being asked. And, on the other side of that coin, I am blessed with a wife who does the same. When I came home from work yesterday, she had mowed the yard and straightened the house in time for the company that was to arrive later in the day. So, in our home, it is a two-way street; but I feel ostracized when blanket generalizations are made that I do not contribute to the household chores.

And perhaps I should take from my own experience not to turn and do the same by making blanket statements about others whom I know nothing. Thus, out of respect, I pulled what I wrote thankful for having posted and for the feedback that I was given both from the female perspective and the offerings of the males who voiced their feelings as well.

Some offered thoughtful wisdom, such as “If you're looking for something you will find it.” Perhaps you are right. Additionally, I was challenged to label the behaviors appropriately (i.e. “verbally/emotionally abusive” as opposed to using the term “b!+che$”). Insight was offered stating that it was inappropriate to judge others, which is NOT my place to do, for an “isolated incident.” I agree. Furthermore, the question was posed regarding the male behavior we witnessed. My wife answered this question when pointing out that the most “verbally/emotionally abusive” person we witnessed was a [grown] male in an all-out assault on a female (either his wife or girlfriend), and this led to an in-depth family conversation about how his actions were inappropriate for my son/daughter to ever display to a female/male, and how her actions were inappropriate for my daughter/son to ever take.

However, in our observations, at a place where we had an opportunity to witness a great number of families interacting with one another, the number of females on verbal tirades far outnumbered those by men. At the same time, there were many, many, many positive family interactions that surrounded us; but they were not the point of the observation hypothesis.

Some interesting dialogue also ensured about the semantics of the blogs (i.e. the definition of a b!+ch). I personally do not see a “strong” or outspoken woman and label her a b!+ch. I recognize this was lost in translation and subject to interpretation based solely on what was written and recorded. We should all be so strong to express our needs, but in a healthy way. My wife, for example, is a “strong” woman, and yet she is intentional in her reactions, carefully considering her actions and interactions with those whom she loves. Others I/we observed (and experienced) do not have such restraint, and thus crossed the line into “verbal/emotional abusive.” I could hypothesize that it is a pattern in these individuals’ lives (based upon their specific comments that were made to their loved ones), but I could not ever really know this for a fact as pointed out by those who offered comments to the posting.

So, in closing, I reiterate, I am thankful for the perspective you all have offered. If nothing else, I take with me the lesson to read and reread my postings and consider how the details that are behind the scenes and left out of a piece of writing can perceived differently from the initial intent. And out of respect for the number of females who I know far exceed the 10% I suggested, I’ve taken a step back, reminded myself that “feelings aren’t facts,” and I’ve taken down my initial diatribe, and I leave you with these final thoughts.

In fact, the quickest way to bring out the ultra bitch in me, is when I have to deal  with a weak one.

It may not be right, good, whatever, but it IS.

As far as Disney goes....hahahahah...of all the places in the world, it has probably seen the most spankings. 

NO

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the happiest of them all?

First, I note by this comment you are expanding those unhappy women in the Disney theme park to those in the world.

There is no doubt, there is a world of unhappy people, women as well as men.

Generally speaking, who are these unhappy people?

I just finished reading a review of a book on the subject of happiness entitled, Gross National Happiness by Arthur C.Brooks, a Syracuse professor of Business and Government Policy.

According to Brooks, it turns out that....

Optimists are happier than pessimists.

Those who have friends are happier than those who do not.

 Married people are happier than unmarried people.

Married people who are parents are happier than cohabitating couples with children.

Those who ascribe to the traditionalist understanding of morality are happier than those who reject it.

Religious people are happier than secularists.

Conservatives are happier than liberals.

Those who volunteer are happier than those who don't.

Those who are charitable are happier than those who are not.

Those who work are happier than those who don't.

Traditionalists are happier than "free spirits".

Wouldn't it be interesting to learn which of these categories those unhappy women you call 'bitches' fall under?

Maybe you should consider that some women are as strong (or stronger) than men to start with.  I don't like to put up with a lot of bull and I don't care what gender it is.  If it's bull, I'll probably call them on it.  In my experience, the kind of guy who can't take being called on their bull by a woman is the kind of guy who can't (or is barely able) to take it from his friends.  

The next stage is the guy to call the woman a bitch.  If that doesn't sufficiently cow the female (because we aren't supposed to be bitches so if we are we should mend our ways) then the next step is to call her a lesbian.

Generally, if someone (but especially a guy) calls me a bitch I stop listening to whatever they have to say.  Bitch is the default when people don't know how to address what is really going on.  If it ever gets to the lesbian stage, I actually laugh.  Total lack of creativity.

I have no idea where you fit into the scheme of that or if you do at all.

It was good to see your interaction with Loca, because on first read I was thinking, "what kind of life filter are these people using?"

It's censorship
And it's down right blasphomous...

• misogynistic
• misanthropic
• extrapolate

Those are some BIG words...remember...

Cause I ain't got no legs!
Or no brain, nice to meet you
Hi, my name is...
I forgot my name!
My name was not to become what I became with this level of fame
My soul is possessed by this devil my new name is...
Rain Man.

Yeah, this was totally expected on the flak-o-meter. But, the comments offered did offer perspective to perception and insight from the outside.

"I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us."

BTW...I had to go to dictionary.com to look up half the words you used in commenting on my article... ...JK

BTW2...I voted for Hilary in the primaries, so I'm not completely misogynistic.

Reading the articles (and the way they were titled, I can't imagine you wouldn't think you would get some flak...), just reading them, without background or extra info, to ME, it gives the impression of a couple who think highly of themselves nit-picking an entire gender.  

Now, obviously that's not the case, but if I didn't know better, it would totally read that way to me.

And of course you can write and explore whatever inflammatory topic you wish.  I have written plenty of bold things that I had to backtrack on later, haha.

I think I now have some idea of where you guys are coming from, but I was shocked when I first read you guys' articles.  I didn't expect that from the two of you. 

Not that you aren't entitled to bigotted ideas (I have several of my own that I'm not interested in getting rid of, haha), but I was surprised that you guys would see things that way. 

Even though you both openly admit that you have been hurt and that your hurts influence your perceptions, I think you have to acknowledge that MOST people have these hurts.  The older I get, the more I learn that so many people, maybe even a majority, have experienced some horrific things.  You might never guess by looking at them, but they also have those deep scars.  Some people take great pains to keep it hidden, but most of us have had some very, very, very bad things visited upon us.  

What is the saying?  Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  (I don't know if that's the correct wording).

Not that it excuses bad behavior, but most of us are hurting from things few or no one knows about.

Having said all that, I still adore the two of you and I'm not mad at 'cha or anything.  I just disagree. 

I assure you that I am one of the most flawed human beings I know; and if you look beneath the surface of my outer shell, there are many scars invisible to the naked eye from wounds inflicted upon my soul. I also admit that there are other walking wounded from hurts in which I've inflicted; and I am deeply sorry for those hurts for which I am responsible.

I absolutely acknowledge that this statement is an untrue exaggeration...but one of the points of blogging is to express one's feelings and/or experiences...even if it is written from a skewed perception. My wife says, "Feelings aren't facts." Sometimes they feel real at the time, and some of my life experiences have contributed to those feelings, and sometimes when my feelings overcome me, I write to process them. At times I post them to hear truth; and I'm okay with that process.

Personally, I'd like to be in the 10%, but I've spent a lot of time in 40th and some time in the 50th percentile.

You only ever have negative things to say about your wife.  Either she is the most awful woman in the history of womankind (and then why, oh, why did you choose her?) or you are one of the most difficult to get along with  men in the history of mankind.

Maybe she is just a horrid person and you are accurately describing her.  I dunno.  But geez.

I am very sorry if I hurt you, Tenille, because I really didn't intend it to be hurtful.  I am so used to commenting on articles with whatever thoughts I have about them, and I probably should have handled this one with more tenderness.  I am sorry.

I think the article duo you guys wrote comes off as two perfect people pointing out the flaws in others. 

Now, actually knowing you, obviously you far more than Chris, but still, I don't think you guys see yourselves this way, and I KNOW you guys don't treat people that way. 

I guess the articles seemed a little self-indulgent and quite judgmental to me.  90% of women are bitches?  What?  I mean, come on, that's a TERRIBLE and obviously untrue exaggeration.

It is definitely hurtful and disturbing to see abusive people treating their loved ones like garbage.  It seemed from your articles, though, that you guys were nit-picking people more than describing abuse.  Or maybe I read you guys completely wrong.  I do that.  LOL.

You're husband is a lucky man to have a woman who can make a point without sticking one in him. My wife is so ditermined to win the argument even facing proof against her opinion she won't back down. But, we men are always told to let them win. Talk about stereotyping, generalizing and down right unequality.

Happy Anniversary.

You work through these difficulties when you realise, that in a new marriage there is give and take and you adjust to one another. Well, 35 years later, we have two beautiful adult kids as evidence that love wins in the end.

To take over stepchildren is a huge challenge and you seem to be winning already. Best wishes to you all.

I'm a new Christian, so I am not at the same space as you, but remember James 2:17.  By that I mean, live, really live and love as Christ would.  Living as Christ would (despite my complete screwing up that undermines me every single step of the way, it seems) helps me to grow closer to God.   Do not be discouraged by your church, be encouraged that you are part of the Body of Christ and as such, there is always someone somewhere who needs Christ's love that will come through your hand.

I will pray for your continued strength and patience,

your brother in Christ,  Buddah M

I'm not sure if it's all that fun...but...it's interesting either way.

~Zoo

Zoo,

I always look forward to reading your comments. As Tony the Tiger would say, "They're GRRREAT!"

Nice job here of listening and encouraging WITHOUT offering some "instant solution" or "quick fix."

~SH80

A) Because communion with God is far too important and complicated for the average person to ever try on their own. If they do, clearly they will screw it up, and quite often start having these crazy pipe dreams about actually loving your fellow man and giving up a life of materialism. The church makes it easy! They take away the burden of having to think for yourself by telling you what to think. The only thing you need to make it work is obedience.

B) In order for the church acting as intermediary (or access point) between you and God, naturally a little compensation is in order. 10 percent of your income is appreciated (before tax of course)

You've actually got something there, kudos zoo. :CONGRATS:

Everything counts.

I do believe "church" as we know it is driving the younger generation away.  No matter where I live, there always seems to be a separation between generations.

Older people (though you may consider me older) were taught to see God in a more authoritarian way.  So their worship tends to reflect it.  Younger generations are seeing God as someone who can matter in our everyday, moment to moment, lives.

I don't think most churches today have made the jump toward the younger generation.  Some do, most don't.  So we have a whole generation of unchurched folk who feel like Sunday church is tired, something their forced to endure.

I don't have any easy answers.  Honestly, established churches with the older mindset fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo.

If this church is not meeting the spiritual need in your life, then maybe start a small home group Bible study once a week. 

I do believe it is imperative to have a faith partner.  Someone who believes as you do and will talk about their walk/your walk together.  God never designed us to be alone, not in love, and not in our daily walking and obedience.

I heard once Satan's best thing to do is isolate us.  I don't know if Satan does that so much as he uses the opportunity to weaken our faith.

So don't isolate yourself! 

Fellowship with other believers is one of the best ways to stay in touch with God.