what i've learned along the way
Do I belong ?
Published on October 17, 2004 By lobsterhunter In Misc
So I went to a club tonight. I was with a teacher friend of mine who is recently divorced, and she decided I needed to be set up with some random guy she barely knows. I agreed to go, primarily because she is bossy, and I don't know how to tell people no. Perhaps there was a little part of me who was flattered to be invited. It's not the usual crowd I hang out with.

The bar was extremely crowded, and drunk folks littered the walkways. Every one was smoking, and the music was so loud it would have been impossible to make conversation. I followed my friend around most of the night, trying to look inconspicuous, but apparently I stuck out like a sore thumb. The guys that met us there were curiously puzzled when I declined their beer offer. They just couldn't understand why I didn't drink. After being asked if I was a Mormon or Jehova's Witness, I tried to explain I was just a non-drinker due to personal convictions. Of course, this made the whole group a littel uncomfortable, considering they were already two sheets to the wind. The CONSCIENCE had arrived and was not really welcomed.

I stood off in the background for as long as I could stand it, and finally the gentlemen she had told me about approached me and tried to make small talk. The first thing out of his mouth was, "You look miserable. This isn't really fun for you huh?" How did he guess? Did I have it written on my forhead or something? I wasn't really have a horrible time, I just didn't know how to act. Apparently, sober people don't belong at clubs. He quickly began to justify his choice to drink, and I felt like the little "goody-goody" from 5th grade who wouldn't cheat on the test when the whole class had made a pact to go through with it.

I'm not sorry for my convictions, and I felt no pressure to fit in. I did however, feel somewhat guilty for making the group I was with feel bad about their choices. Is that wrong? Should I even care? I found myself thinking about how they might feel in my social cirlcles. How would they react in a Bible study setting, where everyone around them held different beliefs? Would they stay? Would they even come?

As Christians, we often have a double standard. We say we shouldn't go to places like clubs, yet we expect them to just magically come to us. I am pretty grounded in my faith, and nothing about the party scene is tempting to me at all, so it's relatively safe for me to spend time with this wayward friend in her comfort zone. However, it isn't always wise for me to hang out in the teachers lounge, because gossip runs rampant and most of the time I can't control my tongue. We all have our own cross to bear, but I think we each need nights like this to evaluate our witness.

Do I belong in a club? Not really. But did it hurt me to stand back and observe? I'm hoping I took away a little perspective. God's got things He's trying to teach me.

Comments
on Oct 17, 2004
I'm not a club girl, either, Tenille. I'll take a movie and a blanket and a bag of Twizzlers on the living room floor over the most reknowned club anyday. I think it was incredibly brave of you to venture into the club with your coworker, though. Would you ever go back?
on Oct 17, 2004
Sure. It's not a scene I feel comfortable in, but I figure it doesn't hurt me to be stretched a little. I probably wouldn't make a habit of it, but I would go back. It reminds me why I'm so greatful for my faith.

How is your time with Adrian going?
on Nov 15, 2004
I think that a lot of people who drink don't really care if anyone else is drinking or not. Because when you're drinking, it's all about you! not the one in the corner adding lemon to her Coke. In fact, the non-drinker is regarded as a plus, because usually they can be the DD instead of shelling out for a cab after the bar, and they usually have money at the end of the night, because the DD usually gets free soft-drinks anyway. I like pubs, but not clubs. They're too noisy, too smoky, and way too much of a hassle. If you don't drink, I think these things would be overexemplified.
on Nov 30, 2004

Wonderful point NickyG.

TrinyG

on Dec 02, 2004
if people are apologising to you for their behaviour, i think they're the ones who are feeling guilty (and you definitely shouldn't have to). i've been in that situation before and you feel like a teetotalling weirdo but on the one hand, the people you feel uncomfortable around aren't going to remember the way you were the next morning (coz they're too drunk) and on the other, if you're sober you can help out if anything goes awry. which isn't unusual in those situations.