what i've learned along the way
Do they exist?
Published on February 2, 2004 By lobsterhunter In Personal Relationships
Relationship Rules

1. Show Up
2. Pay Attention
3. Be Honest
4. Ask for what you want and need
5. Accept the outcome
6. Celebrate the "no".

Someone recently gave me this list of rules, and I often find myself contemplating their validity . They aren't an accurate picture of how my previous relationships have worked. The first three seem pretty attainable, but rule #4, trips me up. I don't know how to ask for what I want and need. Most of the time I just expect other people to inherently know what's going on in this crazy head of mine. I am a master mind reader, so I just figure other people should reciprocate. Lately, I have been challenged with an opportunity to practice rule four. I had to ask a friend for what I wanted, and I was sincerely hoping that I wouln't have to work on rule five and six. I was optimistic about the outcome, and I thought for sure that my friend would step up to the plate. Especially since this person knows how difficult it is for me to be straighforward about what's bothering me. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out that way. Of course, why should I have expected anything different. This friendship has been a mess since the beginning, and I am truly wondering if it is salvagable. I suppose I still have room to grow, and as long as God still provides the strength to stick it out, I will continue walking this journey. Maybe He just wants me to practice accepting His plan. If you have any thoughts on these rules, pass on your ideas. They are welcomed.

on Feb 02, 2004
i'm gonna go out on a limb here, and i don't know how strong that limb is... mayhap it'll hold my weight, mayhap not...

I'm no expert, but i've found that as a general rule, men are a lot better at number 4 than women are... or I should say, following rule number 4 comes more naturally to us...

Do women fear number 5 more than we do? is that a cultural thing that's conditioned into them? or am i out in left field trying to score goals with my football racket?

In my opinion, rules 1 thru 3 apply to all aspects of life ... especially at work...
on Feb 02, 2004
Tenille, you got a comment! *me being proud* I love that guy/gal, they read mine too. And, thanx for the genious comment. You my hero. Trin
on Feb 02, 2004
what is up with you imajinit? you keep taking the words right out of my mouth man.
maybe i can get these one's out by myself though...
You see in my opinion men are more likely to try and "grasp" what they want. Women, TYPICALLY, like for someone to try and figure out what they want. And it's weird because when you think about it it's much easier to find a gift for a girl than for a guy even though most guys will gladly tell you what they really want and/or need.
Like I'm pretty sure I've said before, I don't really ever know what I'm talking about so you'll have to excuse me if you don't understand me.
Capt. over and out!
on Feb 03, 2004
I've never tried to get into the male mind, but I can see your point. Perhaps you could give me more insight. I am proned to lean towards the whole conditioned idea.
on Feb 21, 2004
I think getting bogged down in rules is going to lead to a lot of playing games. Cause games are generally the kind of thing that require rules. Some general guidelines perhaps...but I think you should focus on you first and worry about the rules later. Perhaps a better first rule in a developing relationship would be to discuss what you feel the rules are with this person, but it's not like you both have to follow the same set if you have different comfort levels.
on Feb 21, 2004
for me the way to make any relationship work it to lay down ground rules. what those rules are depends on the couple and the type of relationship they have. the biggest problem people have in a relationship is that they sometimes expect their partner to already know the rules. of course though they are not mind readers, they dont know what you want unless you tell them what it is. this is why i try to be as straightforward as possible in my relationships. (this doesnt work for relatives though, or at least my relatives)