It's Saturday morning, and the room is very quiet. My roomates are fast asleep, and strangely enough there is a boy in my bed. No, it's not what you are thinking. A friend of ours brought over movies last night, and it was late when we finished watching them. He crashed on the couch, and this morning after I woke up, he crawled into my comfy pillow-topped bed hoping to catch some much needed Z's. I was already on the computer at that time, so no need to worry! (SIDE NOTE: If you are reading this, and you have an opinion on plutonic relationships, I would certainly welcome your feedback. It's a debatable issue, and most bloggers seem to like controversial subjects.)

So here I am in the silence of the living room contemplating life.

I skipped out on work yesterday, hoping to enjoy a peaceful day of nothingness. Instead, I spent the day in an emotional frenzy, brought on by a destructive friendship from my past. No matter how hard I tried to shake the feelings of unworthiness this friendship causes, I could not stop the squirrel caging going on in my head. I cried. I screamed. I wrote. Writing down my thoughts seemed to be the only release I could find. Twenty four hours later, as I reflect on my insanity, I realize my responsibility in the situation. I allowed another human being to steal my joy. I relinquished control, and allowed my friend to gain power over my emotions. In the process, I missed out on other opportunities to find happiness. I also mistreated those who do love me. I get so self-centered and so obsessive. Which makes me just like my sick friend. I guess this type of behavior will keep me humble.

Anywho. I anticipate the day when I can learn to live and let live. When I can walk away from an emotional time bomb, and just breathe. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, and unfortunately this leaves me vulnerable and open to attack. I know when I am hypersensitive, I have a tendency to become the victim. I focus on what I don't have, rather than the gifts I have been given. Gratitude is a powerful force. I don't utilize it often enough. Becoming aware of your shortcomings can be a tough road to walk down, but I am slowing opening my eyes to the freedom that can be found in assuming responsibility for your life. God never sheds light on our inadequacies for the sake of condemnation. He shows us our part, so we can eventually be set free. I long for that day!