Note to the reader: This blog is probably going to be a hodge-podge of unorganized ponderings. I haven't written in a while, and most of my thoughts are disconnected and scattered. Read at your own risk. It's 2 a.m, and I sit here waiting on a friend's sixteen-year-old daughter to return home from prom. The weekend has been rather uneventful, and I've found myself reflecting on days gone by. It doesn't seem like that long ago I was obsessing over my own hair and make up, preparing for ...

The Crowley Chamber of Commerce held their annual Teacher of the Year banquet. My team and I joined Yodit Whipple, the Sycamore Elementary TOY, for a funfilled evening of laughter and rich conversation. After the Crowley Honor Choir performed, the Chamber President droned on for what felt like hours, and the teachers received their useless brass plaques. Finally the night drew to a close. While gathering my things to beeline towards the nearest exit, my name was called over the loud speakers...

I sat underneath a shade tree today and reflected on my life. The sun warmed my face as I journaled about the events of the last year and pondered the mysteries of all God is teaching me. There were all kinds of people milling about on the musuem lawn. Father's playing frisbee with their sons. Grandparents observing the odd art sculptures. Couples snuggling on benches. I actually witnessed a young man proposing to his soon to be bride. The proud parents stood at a distance stealing snapshots ...

I have spent the last few months of my life feeling "normal". I can't quite put my finger on how this all came to pass, but I knew something inside me had shifted. I no longer felt like the desperate, needy Tenille I've always been. I practiced setting boundaries with those I care for, and I worked very hard to stay in the present. I could feel confidence growing with each new behavior, and my reflections were becoming more and more positive in nature. Life was looking good. Unfortunate...

So my friend Bruce tagged me again. I guess this one is a little different. I suppose I could join in on the fun. 1. Seven things to do before I die: Experience the abundant, spirit filled life God promised Have a baby (precursor - marriage of course) Learn how to cook a gourmet meal Get my masters degree Travel to all seven continents Meet the President Volunteer at the public library when I'm retired 2. Seven things I cannot (or won't?) do: Anything athletic Alegebra or Geo...

The holiday break has given me extra time to reflect on my current relationship with God. It seems as if I've been plunging through this thing called life full force these last few months, not really pausing long enough to ask the question, "What is God doing in my heart ?" This is unusual for me. Typically, I'm an analyzer. I spend entirely too much time thinking every minor detail of life through. I've recently made a conscious decision to live in the present moment, and take things one...

Here's what I'm suppose to do: 1. Go into your archives. 2. Find your 23rd post. 3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it) 4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. 5. Tag five other people to do the same thing. However, for some reason, her words struck a cord in my heart, and I realized how each of our perceptions are unique and valuable. I don't know how to do links, so these folks will just have to visit this blog. Brandie Trinitie...

Preface : I’m not depressed. Life isn’t awful. I just needed to release these thoughts. No need to worry! What does it mean to be content? This question plagues me, because as I walk through this journey we call life, contentment seems to be just outside my reach. I keep hoping someone or something is going to suddenly make life wonderful, but deep in my soul I know this way of thinking will only leave me disappointed and unsatisfied. This is not how I imagined my life would look...

Because my toxic thoughts leaked out into the unrestricted world of blogging, I figured I should attempt a public apology. I've screwed up so many things at this point, I'm not sure I can dig myself out of the hole. I deeply regret so many of the decisions I've made, especially my previous blog. I used this site to justify my behavior, rather than take responsibility for it. This was unacceptable, and I am sincerely remorseful about this choice. Truth be told, everyone involved in this s...

Perhaps a short history will help me see the situation more clearly: My college roomate becomes my best friend. Her 14 year old sister has two babies before she gets her driver's license. As a full time college student, I agree to live with my best friend and her infant and toddler neices after they are removed from their mother's care due to neglect. I become a co-dependent surrogate parent, willfully sacrificing my college years because I am sick and think my sole purpose i...

*** I actually wrote this blog over two weeks ago. Posting was delayed due to major life changes. I drank from my very own water hose tonight. It was a monumental occasion. You see, I bought my first home today. It’s one of those cookie cutter houses everyone seems to be buying, but I don’t really care. I like it. I would attempt to describe it on here, but I’m not too good with elaboration, so let’s just say it’s wonderful! A group of friends from my church and my two fabulous roomm...

I come from a long line of history nerds. I can remember my grandma reading my social studies textbooks from cover to cover evey year when I would bring them home to do homework. We often engaged in political conversations in which we would solve the problems of the world with simple minded ideals. She taught me the value of examining the past, and I am grateful for the sense of patriotism I saw reflected in her life. I inherited her love of history, and during this last week we had quite...

Every so often the winds of insecurity sweep into my thoughts leaving a destructive path of negative self talk. I start second guessing all of my actions, and my character defects seem glaring and unbearable. I begin to tell myself things like, "Why do you say such stupid stuff?", and "Nobody really likes hanging out with you. You're too high maintenence." Fighting these demons requires constant vigalence, and the fear of rejection can be paralyzing. I sometimes wonder if I annoy those ...

"So, what are you going to do with yourself all summer?" I have come to dread this question. Everyone seems to be asking it, and to be real honest, I don't have an answer. I am a school teacher, and although most folks would relish having two months off in the summer, I increasingly fear this season of uncertainty. You see, busyness is a much needed distraction in my life. I don't particularly enjoy being still for extended periods of time, and the thought of having unlimited blan...

For months now I have been struggling with the Sovereignty of God. I have questioned His goodness and doubted His power. I'm still attempting to sift through this stage of uncertainty, but today someone said something that brought me one step closer to acceptance. The comment was simple, and I've been introduced to the concept numerous times before. It wasn't new or profound. She simply said, "Tenille, we live in a fallen world, and It is what it Is ". This person reminded me that the ...