I'm currently considering purchasing a home. Some mornings I wake up ready to take the plunge and become a card carrying member of the American Dream. Other days I want to uproot my life and move to a foriegn country. The irritating paradox of stability and adventure leave me feeling confused and uncertain. Waiting on the wonderful can be highly frustrating. Especially when you can't even define what it is you really want.

I witnessed something tonight that left my spirit feeling a bit uneasy. My church held a revival meeting called Team Impact, in which a group of body builders preformed astonishing feats of strength. Apparently, these herculean accomplishments were designed to draw people to Jesus. The connection between annihilating a stack of flaming bricks and the saving grace of Christ seemed ambiguous. All the way home in my car, I questioned the validity of such a performance. I asked Go...

I had some friends over tonight for dinner, and things didn't turn out so well. I probably should have known the evening would go south after a woman at the bank called me a white honky and berrated me about cutting in line. She had an ankle brace on, and after moving to the back of the line and repeatedly apologizing for offending her, I seriously considered smashing her foot with the heel of my boot. Instead I smiled, and tried to kill her with kindness. Another woman who had witnessed the ...

I wore a red sweater to work today. I figured I might as well embrace the Love holiday. My kids at school were precious, and I found myself being silly with them all day. Joking around with your students can make the dullest day bright. Especially when you spend most of your time being dictator and babysitter. About mid afternoon an old friend e-mailed me with a very sentimental Valentine message. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face. A very insignificant comment made my day, and I ...

It happens every year. Change comes knocking at my door, and I get all knotted up on the inside. I fret over things I cannot control, causing all other areas of my life to suffer. Everything seems to get turned upside down, and I start feeling funky. Remaining spiritually connected becomes a huge chore, and I begin to question whether or not I have progressed at all. God seems distant and I become terribly self-centered (not a quality I'm particularly proud of ). When I look through th...

Recently a treasured friend discovered my blogsite. He stumbled upon it, after visiting my sister’s post. I referred him to her articles because I believe she is a gifted writer, and I wanted to share her musings with others. It never dawned on me that my site would be fair game. When he mentioned visiting some of my old articles, I instantly grew uncomfortable. Hiding has served me well, and now people knew. My first thought was, “Oh crap! Did I write anything questionable?” The fello...

"I can't handle this." "It's just to much to bear." "This weight is killing me." "I'm not going to make it" Growing up in a semi-Christian home, I remember my grandma talking about how God never gives us more than we can handle. I would sit in Sunday school each week and listen to my Bible teacher talk about how Jesus wanted to help us carry our burdens. As a child, I didn't understand how brutal life could be, so these ver...

So I went to a club tonight. I was with a teacher friend of mine who is recently divorced, and she decided I needed to be set up with some random guy she barely knows. I agreed to go, primarily because she is bossy, and I don't know how to tell people no. Perhaps there was a little part of me who was flattered to be invited. It's not the usual crowd I hang out with. The bar was extremely crowded, and drunk folks littered the walkways. Every one was smoking, and the music was so loud it wou...

"You must of heard a different message than me". These are the words of my soon to be 19 year old, little sister. After hearing a very traditional Southern Baptist preacher share a message on geniune Christianity, we both walked away with a completely altered view of the pastor's sermon. This is not a new occurence, seeing how we don't see eye to eye on much. However, for some reason, her words struck a cord in my heart, and I realized how each of our perceptions are unique and valuable. ...

Who knew tires wore out in less than 50 thousand miles? Surely not a single, naive school teacher, whose been driving her 2001 Mitsibushi Galant for less than 3 years now. I mean really, why can't vehicles just take care of themselves? Car repair is a pain in my butt! Everytime I have to deal with male mechanics I want to smash a brick through the window of their squeaky clean waiting rooms. As an unmaried twenty five year old, I feel as if I am a target for being abused and taken advanta...

Do you think there is only one person for each of us? I'm not so sure I completely buy into the soulmate theory. As romantic the idea seems, it's a bit discouraging. Especially if your like me, and the playing field appears pretty narrow. Tonight I had coffee with a total stranger. A mutual friend set us up, and although the conversation was great, I didn't walk away feeling WOWed by the experience. He was a nice guy, and I was impressed with him in many ways. However, I found myself crit...

I pulled her close to me as she reached out her hand towards her mother. "Why does she have to leave?", she kept asking. "I just want her to stay and spend time with me". These are the words of a deeply hurting eight year old, who hasn't seen her biological mom in over eight months. Trying to console a child who doesn't understand why her mom has abandon her has got to be the most excruciating experience I've endured. The scene mentioned above is not only Sierra's story, but my story as w...

What are you supposed to do when you know the truth, but you believe the lies? For the last year I have been learning a whole lot about what makes me tick. I have come to terms with some pretty heavy crap, and in fleeting moments I feel like I've made progress. However, lately I have sensed myself slipping backwards. Old thought patterns are rearing their ugly head, and I feel needy and screwed up again. It's frustrating and downright sucky! The fact of the matter is, I'm not where I used ...

For years I have been telling myself I want more. Spiritually, I've yearned for the kind of faith that moves mountains. I've gone to numerous conferences and read tons of books, looking for the magic formula to make me passionate about God. Over time I've come to understand my problem lies not in a lack of desire, but in my obvious unbelief. So, what do I do? I sign up for a Bible study entitled, "Believing God", certain I'll find the answers I'm looking for. Instead, I've discovered not ...

I have a counceling appointment on Wednesday, and my mission (should I choose to accept it) is to define the term "normal". Now, I know my councelor is making the point that there really is no definition, but I need something to tell her. I need to at least pretend like I've done some homework---some searching. Help.